Jeanne and I were parked on the couch enjoying our usual Saturday morning ritual of oatmeal, hot tea, feet up on the coffee table and MacBook Pros on our laps. She was surfing for vacation ideas and I was working on Gadgeteer stuff when the phone rang.
The person on the other end had a thick accent that sounded like an unlikely combination of Scottish and Nigerian said “My name is Jack and I’m calling from Microsoft to let you know that your computer is infected.”
“It is?” I said sounding completely horrified.
“You don’t want to lose your computer do you?” Jack asked.
“No, no I don’t. What do I do?”
“Is your computer in front of you now?” He asked.
“Yes, help me please.”
“Is your computer powered on?”
“Yes.” I said.
“What do you see on the screen?” He asked me.
“Porn,” I said. It was the first crazy answer that popped into my mind. Not sure what that says about me so don’t judge!
Silence…
“Are you there?” I asked Jack.
“Hold please…” He said.
“I need help. Don’t leaaaaaaaave me.” I wailed.
“Hold please…” He said again.
A few seconds passed…
“Hello. My name is Jack and I’m calling from Microsoft…”
“You already told me this.” I said. “How do I fix my computer?”
“What do you see on your screen right now?” He asked.
“Porn”
“What?” he asked.
“Porn” I replied.
CLICK. The phone went dead.
You know it’s going to be an awesome weekend when you’re able to make a scammer hang up on YOU instead of the other way around! 🙂
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Well then it was a good thing you were watching porn right at that moment. You didn’t accidentally reveal to us your secret plan to switch the Gadgeteer from technology gadgets to adult gadgets?
How did you guess?! Pornateer will be the new domain name 😉
Honestly, if they couldn’t roll with that and come up with a good way to continue, they should be fired from that call center.
They should have continued: “See? That’s the most common way to get computer viruses …”
What a fantastic way to start the weekend indeed! I had me a good laugh reading this! I wish I was as quick with clever awesome answers like that! You totally stunned the guy into silence – hahahah! Oh that’s good – I’m still laughing!
They are fun to mess with.
Ha ha. Great job Julie. I had a somewhat similar response for them. When they called me at 6:30 a.m. (yawn), the caller asked me to hold down the Windows key and another letter. I played stupid and made him try to explain what/where the “Windows” key was. When he asked me what was on the screen after I pressed the two keys, I said the letter “F” appeared. “What?” he asked. “Try it again,” he said. The letters “uc” just appeared. Well, you know where this is going.
After spelling out my greeting to him, he was totally befuddled. He called over a “supervisor” who said, “He just told you ‘f*ck you!'” Click. That ended the call.
I’m retired so I have time to mess with them. I have to get my enjoyment somewhere.
The really sad thing is that there are people who believe these scammers!
I totally agree. The scammers are victimizing the elderly and those who may be technologically impaired. And it’s unfortunate that there isn’t any legal action that will stop these scammers since most originate from overseas.
What?!?! You didn’t DESCRIBE the porn in detail?
I’ll save that for the next call 😉
lol. nice one. I enjoy jamming up the robocalls. Give them something surreal and they blue screen of death.
me: hello?
robot: Hi this is , how are you doing?
me: I’m doing great . how are you?
robot: well that’s good, I’m calling about…
me: hang on , you didn’t say how you were.
Robot: well that’s good, as I was…
me : Do you like to fish? I like to fish. Maybe we can go fishing together. I caught a tuna in my bathtub.
robot: …
me: hello? ? hello?
ha! I’ve never tried to mess with robo calls. I didn’t know you could. I’ll have to try that next time I get one 🙂
I worked w someone who when she had time on her hands would try to keep the crank callers on the line for as long as she could. She was very good at it. Also, check out this almost famous Tom Mabe murder scene scam call – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIVfrBFc5og&index=5&list=RDZmKtS-k12b0
Oh wow, I’ve never heard that one. That was fantastic!
Great response! Did they get ya on a landline or cell phone? I haven’t had that call yet!
Ok, that’s pretty funny. But people still answer random phone calls?
I have had the Microsoft Scammers call several times, they always hang up.
My favorite is telling them I am watching porn and just getting ready for the money shot, ask them what they are wearing and tell them to keep talking. By then they always hang up.
For occasions when you’re in a hurry, tell ’em “What a coincidence ! I work for Microsoft too and I’m in my office right now. I really need your help. What building are you in? I’m on 3rd floor of the Smith/Jones/Davis/whatever building in Redmond. Can you come to my office to help me?” – click –
Good one!
The past few times i got this scam the caller ID actually said “Technical support.” So I answer the phone “Good morning, thank you for calling Microsoft. How may I direct your call?” And then when he claims to be from “Windows Anti Virus Support,” I keep on insisting “No sir, you are reaching Microsoft.”
Ha! Perfect!
SO FUNNY!!!!
Haha, good one Julie! I used to hate when scammers called me, now, I can’t wait for the next one! You see, I found http://www.jollyrogertelco.com/ and IT-IS-AWESOME!! This is a bot designed to keep spam callers on the phone for as long as possible! Look at the site & you can hear recorded examples which are hilarious. I gladly pay $6 a year for it!
…waiting for my next victim…I mean caller!!! lol
In fact, I think you should do a Gadgeteer review on this, Julie! What do you think?
Ha! That’s pretty funny!